I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
