So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Sponge bath it is.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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