alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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