I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
