the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Sorry my hands just texted you
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
