I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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