I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
