KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Randomize
