You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
