I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
