I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
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