You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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