get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
