Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
