I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
