You're my little dorito
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
