Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
