Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
