...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
