I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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