ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
