im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I supernannyed him into submission
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
