TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
