mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
