you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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