I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Pants are for mortals
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
