if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
