Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
