cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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