I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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