Midget sex pt 2 tonight
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
