They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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