Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
