We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
