i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
