he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
