hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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