Quick, to the slutcave!
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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