i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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