Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
