Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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