Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
