it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Two words: nipple clamps
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