I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
