never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
