If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
