Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I party with great urgency now.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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