I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
