Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
