Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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