i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
