so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
